Understanding the Suck
Yesterday I had a funeral for the future that I had been avidly anticipating and meticulously building for the past two years.* I will not be moving to Germany at any point during my Junior year at Northwestern, and will not earn the opportunity to use that experience as a touchpoint for my future endeavors. I will not be getting the benefits of the added distance for self growth or of the break from my entirely self-imposed, insane academic course plan.
This cancellation has been a festering wound for the last 7 months. I have spent countless hours backtracking and creating alternative plans in the effort of mitigating the damage done by the external disaster that is COVID-19. (This disaster does not have an internal locus of control.) And wisdom says that the systems of people’s time that are required to keep beating the dead horse in this case are not worth the alternative of simply letting it go; thus, the funeral.
I needed a clean psychological break from it, a clean psychological detachment from it, so that I could take time to acknowledge the loss and then give myself the space to move forward and to dream again.
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Understanding what sucks right now is a lot more than just figuring out that your desk chair is uncomfortable or that your room builds up too much CO2 on hot days. It involves reimagining your space for ergonomics, fuelling your body with better sustenance, and holding yourself to an appropriately high standard for your unique situation.
Reimagining your space
Your desk is now the equivalent of your daybed. Take the healthful approach and clean it once weekly, organize it monthly, and invest in ergonomic tools and habits that will help you stick through this situation for as long as you need to. None of us know how long the home office will be the prevailing system, but can we really afford to keep up the charade that 7 months is a short time frame?
Fuelling your body
Diet is 80% of your health as it is related to physique and general good feelings. Now is not the time to be eating frozen food for every meal—yes, fellow college students, I am outing you specifically—because most of us are already suffering from a severe lack of exercise as it is.
I maintain a low-carb, low-sugar diet for brain health—I have since July of this year. And while I plan on tweaking the diet over time as my needs change, this is the best I have eaten and the best I have felt in my adult life. My endurance has improved; my memory has improved. I do better work.
Holding yourself to the appropriate standard
I worked 40+ hours per week between two jobs while working on an independent research paper during the summer. (Doing many things at once is sort of my M.O. I am so grateful for the work and for feeling fulfilled at work.) But I had to realize that sometimes I needed and still need to take a day completely off, or publish a podcast late, or not read for a week, and the kicker is: that’s ok.
I expected the transition into the Fall term at school to be rocky. And I am giving myself the love and the permission to lean into my support circles when I need to to get everything done in an efficient yet healthful way.
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Trying to articulate exactly what is terrible (and what is good!) about Zoom University is a task that has to cross multiple dimensions to be fruitful. The 9-hour-a-day screen time that many of us are racking up right now is certainly a major component, as spending too much time online can mess with our perception of self, our posture, and our bodies in general (eyes, ears, hands, everything).
Some things that have made the experience more endurable:
-scheduling in “real-world” time
-printing out paper copies of readings for class
-handwriting any and all notes
-calling friends and family to just say hi
-having an emergency fund
-sleeping a full 10 hours every night
-writing home
-burning candles
-understanding that it’s ok not to know the answers
-taking care in home cooking
-minimalism: no “stuff overload”
-brewing high quality tea
-playing music
-being there for others
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*I need to say a few things to start off: I am so grateful for the position that I am currently in. I am able to go to school full time and I am still working both jobs—many, many people are out of work or out of school, or have lost their livelihoods due to the pandemic, and I want to give them their moment in this post. I also want to thank everyone, especially essential workers, for continuing to do their absolute best at what they do. The situation will get better, it’s just a matter of when.